What happened to my birth plan?

I think it's safe to say that I watched about 100 birth story videos on YouTube with the anticipation of having my own story to tell. This mama likes to plan so after hearing what happened to other women I made a birth plan that Fabian had agreed to help me follow. Keep reading to find out how nothing went according to that plan.

Very early on I had decided that I didn't want anyone else in the labor and delivery room with us. Baby daddy and doctors, that's all I wanted. We both decided that we would have some time to ourselves doing skin to skin with our baby before family members were allowed to come in and join us. We would tell our families though and if they wanted to wait they could. My family was in Michigan so other than a couple phone calls and some face-timing we didn't need to do much. I had planned to push baby out so I was 100% getting an epidural but did not want pitocin. I heard a lot of negatives and positives but I knew that I was not going to be able to take the pain especially if it lasted for hours. Fabian also told me that was not going to look and not to expect him to cut the umbilical cord because he was scared. A couple more minor things that I wanted in my birth plan was to go to the hospital after eating one more time, taking a shower, and I didn't want to battle any traffic on our way to the there. With that plan in place and bags packed we just waited for my water to break.

My water broke at 4:45pm on a Friday afternoon. There was no time to shower so we grabbed our stuff as I glanced at the clock and said to Fabian, "we're gonna hit traffic." On the way to the hospital he asked if I wanted to grab a burger to eat. When my water broke he was on his way to pick up dinner but had to turn around without the food. I said, no to the burger. I was dilated to a 4 so we had some time to wait and since I got my epidural they started pumping me with, pitocin. Since Fabian didn't eat dinner either, his sisters and parents joined us while we were waiting and flooded the room with the smell of Whataburger. After being in labor for 11 hours I was finally at a 10 and it was time to push. I pushed for 2 hours but nothing was happening. Baby would move a little but then go back up. Fabian's mom then came into the room and my mom was on speakerphone, I pushed for another hour and after the sweetest compliment that I have ever heard, "you have a very petite pubic bone," we knew Jax was not going to fit. C-Section.

I can honestly say that as they prepped me for a c-section I felt so peaceful. I knew the birth plan had changed and there was nothing I could do about it. They quickly wheeled me into the operating room and as I listened to the doctors and nurses just casually chatting away I was very aware that they were about to cut me open to get my son. I was a little relieved to know that the pushing was over and that I wouldn't rip or tear but knew that my recovery would look a lot different than what I had planned for. None of that mattered, I was about to hear the first cries from my son Jax.

Jax was born at 7:37am on June 17, 2017 weighing 9lbs and 2oz. I didn't see him get weighed or measured and I was unable to do skin to skin with him right away because I was shaking so badly, it wasn't safe. Family followed us back to our room and we all celebrated the birth of our first son. Later when I had calmed down and we were alone Fabian told me, "love, I know I said I wasn't going to look but... I saw it all. I even saw when they pushed on your belly and something popped out. The doctor caught it in a pan." We have videos and photos because my husband was the one who got to experience all the firsts with Jax.

Now looking back on my birth story, I wouldn't change anything. Not even the stench of Whataburger in our labor and delivery room. However your littles come into this world whether vaginally, a c-section, a surrogate, adoption, at your home or in a hospital. Once that baby is in your arms it won't even matter.

Everyone's story is unique just like their babies. Whether your birth went exactly as planned or if everything just happened and you had no choice but to go with the flow. Rest assured that God's hands were all over you and your baby. His plan is always the best one.

Happy National Cesarean Awareness Month! Feel free to read more about my birth story here! 

8 months old? What?

Pulling up on furniture, navigating under the dining room table, and discovering the step in the living room. Jax has kept himself busy as he picks up his speed and figures out how to roam from room to room. He has also kept us busy as we create different barriers to keep him safe. We've got a package of toilet paper and water bottles blocking off the laundry room. We're using a plastic tub full of unopened kitchen supplies to block off the living room and at all times doors to bedrooms and restrooms are closed. We're using what we've got because I have a feeling he is going to be up on his feet real soon.

The weather has given us lots of rainy days this past month which means he was home with Papi during the day. I can tell the extra time they spent together created an every deeper bond between them and I love it! I love seeing them tossing the plush soccer ball throughout the house and watching Jax react to the energy that his papi has! I never thought our living room would turn into a soccer field but I love it! Also, I would like to mention that my husband does a pretty solid Elmo impression!

Once all the rain went away we were left with warmer weather and took advantage of the park right down the road from our home. Jax experienced the swing for the first time and he didn't hate it but didn't seem to love it. He also discovered grass! It was hilarious to see him brushing his hand across the pokey grass and trying to eat it. Once again, didn't hate it but didn't love it. It's those moments when I see my personality come out in him. When I try new things even if I like them, I don't always show it on the outside.

 

I love his curious personality. He is so much like his Papi and is down for anything! He will try new foods, explore the unknown, and smile at strangers. It's such an amazing and scary responsibility to raise up a person. As we keep navigating each day through this hood we learn what we can and show Jax through our behavior how bring out the best in each moment!

 

Oh... Jax is also pointing at everything! We love it!

Our 7 Month Old

 

Jax has one tooth, three more on the way and is starting to crawl. He is about one more day away from asking for the car keys. Seriously, that's how fast I feel like time is flying by! I am still ok with it though because the more active he gets the more fun he becomes.

He has been working on his solids for a couple months but this past month he really amped it up. I realized quickly that all those baby food purees were not going to be his thing and he would prefer to eat whatever is on mine or Papi's plates. We're totally ok with that! His favorites are avocados, frijoles, applesauce, and huevos. And don't forget any and all types of puffs. We're still working on his sippy cup skills and thankfully he hasn't used any of his ninja skills when it comes to his sippy cup. Although I am sure a sippy cup flying across the dining room is in our near future.

This past month he had his first trip to the ER and it was scary. While Fabian was just getting over the flu and I had some type of viral sinus thing going on, Jax was congested and started to wheeze and develop a croup-y cough. Note to all those parents out there, be sure you know where your closest urgent care center is because when we got in the car at midnight neither of us knew where we were going. And in panic mode it's really hard to figure it out. Thankfully we walked right in and they gave Jax some incredible care. Within about 5 days he was back to his loud and active self.

I know these next few months he is going to change and become this little toddler and as much as we will miss the baby stage, I think we're ready to have a toddler crawling around our feet. At least my back and arms are ready for him to start moving more on his own. He is currently 23lbs and very squirmy.

Caring for Jax has been one of our greatest joys. I am reminded daily that the life we are building now is our legacy for him. Each moment of training and each day full of hard work is for the generation that is coming up behind us. No pressure, but that for sure makes us want to be better parents.

-Fabian & Bee and of course Jax

Stories from Fatherhood Pt. 1

There are lots of daily moments that make me stop and think about this whole thing called Parenthood. Moments when I realize how much my life has changed and how I wouldn't give it up for anything.

I was mediating the other day when Jax was having a hard time with his poop. I just kind of sat there and was worried about him. And to be honest I was a little bit scared. It made me realize how a year ago and even four years ago I would never think pooping would be something that would become so important. Or that I would be so concerned about someone else's poop. Or even talk about poop so much. But there I was praying that God would let my son poop.

Priorities change when your world is changed. You suddenly care so much for someone who has been a part of your life for such a short period of time. Every little thing about them means the world to you. Even a little thing like poop. 

That's it. 

P.S. Jax pooped later that day and it made me happy.

-Fabian

Two Months!

As each month of our son's life passes we learn more and more about him and about each other. Jax is now successfully sleeping 7.5 hours through the night! We have been doing some sleep training with him and it's totally paying off. He wakes up so much happier and also has longer stretches of play between each nap. He is a night owl like his parents and likes to party with us until 11 or so before knocking out for the night.

This month was full of family! Jax was able to party until midnight and celebrate his tía Jenni's quinceanera while meeting members of his extended family that came into town for the party. This boy has no idea how loved he is by all his family members. 

Jax loves to stare at the ceiling fan and chilling on his changing table while dad sings to him in Spanish. Our osito has become more vocal and has a cute little sing song voice. He is smiling more and responding to our voices. He's also figured out that he has hands! It's the cutest thing watching him stare at his hands and try and figure out how his fingers work. He has started grabbing onto some of his toys on his playmat. He's almost fully transitioned into 3-6 mth clothes and will leave some 0-3 mth unworn outfits behind. 

Seeing him grow up right before our very eyes is the best! I think every month we watch him grow we become even stronger as husband and wife. Jax, you are making us the best parents that we can be for you! 

-F & B

One Month!

It has been one month since our little Jax was born. Everyone always says that time goes by fast when you have a little one, and that is so true. My husband and I have learned a lot about our son and the value of teamwork in a marriage over the past month.

Jax has still kept all of his hair that he was born with and grew so much more over the past weeks. He loves grasping your fingers when you feed him. He will give you flirty little smiles as he is falling asleep. Those little smiles help to remind us how much we love him when we're up at 3am feeding him. Thankfully we haven't had any sleepless nights, Jax is an excellent sleeper! He still doesn't quite enjoy his baths but loves the towel snuggle at the end. 

Having a newborn is definitely a different lifestyle. Life is less spontaneous. You can't just decide last minute that you want to go to the movies. We've learned that magical love that is like no other. Our love for each other as husband and wife is different than the love that we feel for our Jax. Fabian and I both have learned a new level of patience. Patience with each other and patience while we still learn our sons cries and queues. Our teamwork isn't perfect but we're making it better day by day. I've learned that I need to be less stubborn and when someone offers to help, accept their help. I've also learned to conquer my fear of breastfeeding in public the moment my sons cries started echoing through the isles of Hobby Lobby.

Our lives have changed for the better and we wouldn't have it any other way. Happy 1 month Jax!

F&B

6.17.17: Now a family of 3!

Friday, June 16 I was at my lowest point in pregnancy. I was so large and so uncomfortable. I was 39 weeks +4 days and so amazed that I was still pregnant! I had been on maternity leave for 2 weeks already and needed to get out of the house, so I decided to treat my swollen feet to a foot massage. I had tried everything else to help the labor process begin except a foot massage so I figured it wouldn't hurt. I left the massage relaxed but still feeling like this baby needed to come out so I called my mom on the way back home and broke down sobbing. "I just want this baby out now!" After pulling over and getting myself in control my mom was able to talk me out of calling my doctor to have her induce me. I went home, laid in bed, and put Iron Man on with every intention to fall asleep. 

My husband came home early from work around 3 and we just relaxed and continued to watch Iron Man while discussing what we wanted for dinner. At this time I was timing contractions that were about 5 minutes apart but still irregular. By 4:40 my husband went to pick up dinner for us as well as insisting that I needed a yoga ball to sit on. I told him do not get me a yoga ball because, what he didn't know was, I had just used the restroom and felt a tremendous amount of pelvic pressure. So much pressure that I was unable to sit back on the bed. I moved into the living room to wait for him to bring dinner back. Well 5 minutes later I called my husband (who had not listened and was on his way to get a yoga ball) and told him to turn around because...my water broke! (side note: I had been praying towards the end of my pregnancy that God would allow my water to break. To me that's a tell tale sign of "hey, you're gonna have a baby!") My husband came home and handed me a towel to wrap around my waist as I stood up to get ready to go. All of our stuff was packed so we just grabbed it and headed out the door. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was 5 o'clock on a Friday afternoon which meant that traffic was going to be rough. We drove halfway to the hospital with our hazard lights on while I continue to lose more amniotic fluid soaking the towel beneath me and my now dark grey joggers. On the way to the hospital we called our families and texted the prayer warriors that have been praying with me throughout this pregnancy. Everyone was so excited for us! 

Once we arrived at the hospital I walked my soaking booty in the door and into triage. "Are you here to have a baby," the lady at the front desk asked me? "Yes, please" was my response. Like my soaking wet pants weren't a dead giveaway. I was admitted and dilated to a 4. On the way to my room we passed the anesthesiologist, I told him to feel free to follow us into my room. He came in and hooked me up with my epidural which went to work immediately! Now the waiting game began. 

By 4am I was finally dilated to a 10 and it was time to push. I pushed for 2 hours and was not making any progress. Little Jax was not budging. I was tired and knew that I needed more strength. I asked my husband to put on Do it Again by Elevation Worship. I needed that delivery room to really be full of God's presence and I needed some supernatural strength. We then called my mom who was in Michigan and put her on speakerphone having her intercede and pray that Jax would move. I also asked my husband to get his mom from the waiting room and have her come in. I had one Mama praying in English and one Mama praying in Spanish. Jesus was in that place! After 1 more hour of pushing, it was decided that baby Jax would not be able to fit. We made the decision to have a c-section. I was exhausted and I had no desire to be a hero and keep pushing. I wanted a healthy baby over everything. And after 3 hours of pushing, I already felt like a hero. 

Once the decision was made for a c-section everything moved quickly and in a little over 30 minutes we were hearing the little cries of our son. I remember being in the operating room and feeling so much peace. I knew I was about to have major surgery and that the recovery was going to be different but it all was overshadowed by the peace that I felt about the whole situation. God knew that this large little boy was going to have an amazing story and that there was a fight to bring him into the world. 

At 7:37AM on June 17, 2017 our Jax was brought into this world. Words cannot describe the feeling his father and I felt when we heard his first little cries. We are both honored and so blessed to be the parents of this amazing little boy. We pray with him every night and empower him already to be the man of God that he will become.