My love language is not gifts.

I am constantly reminding Fabian that my love language is not gifts. It seems that every time we have extra money or Fabian sees me eyeing something in a store he just has to buy it for me. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it and love seeing the joy he gets from gifting me something but those gifts fill up my closet instead of my love tank.

So what's a love language? Our love language is how we communicate and receive love. By understanding our love language and our spouse's love language we can drastically improve our relationship. This works for friendships too! Understanding what your friend, spouse, or baby mama needs from you is super important. There are five of them, words of affirmations, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, and physical touch. Out of those five, one of them will stand out! Without even taking the quiz you probably know which one that is for you. So why am I sharing this now?

Well... Mother's day is right around the corner and I want you to think about how your baby mama would want to be celebrated. This goes for Father's day too cause that is coming up next month. Not all moms want gifts. Maybe she wants you to do something for her? Maybe she wants some alone time with you? Maybe she wants a card full of words? Knowing your baby mama's love language can make or break how you communicate your love to them. So let's break it down with some classic F & B mistakes!

Keep in mind that both our top love language is quality time, but my need for that is greater than his. And following that we both need words of affirmation. (You can see our results below)

When Fabian gives me a gift, yes like I said I do appreciate it but mama doesn't need new rain boots.

We don't make time for dates that don't include family members and our child. Easily a month or two can go by and we both feel distant from one another.

We run a red light and I say some disrespectful things about my husband's driving habits instead of thanking him for not letting my head slam onto the dashboard by braking too fast.

We just get too busy and over book our lives which leads to falling asleep before we can even say goodnight or how was your day?

I stay too quiet during the work day and don't send a cute little meme or corny quote from pinterest via text to my husband.

We Netflix but don't chill.

We expect each other to do things without any communication and then we get booty hurt and don't even acknowledge the other person when the task is completed.

Those are just a few of our recent errors but when we quickly corrected ourselves it's almost crazy how fast our relationship became even better. We planed date nights, we used our words to encourage, and we communicated better throughout the day and because all of those needs were met, it made our love for one another even better than it was before. We still hit rough patches every now and then but having taken this quiz and really understanding how the other person receives and communicates their love is some pretty important knowledge to have in that marriage tool box. Check out our results (Fabian is on the left and I am on the right). Learn your love language here!

And don't forget to celebrate your baby mama and your own mama on Mother's day!

Happy Loving!
-F & B

So you got booty hurt...

I guess you can call Fabian and I still newlyweds. We've been married for a year and a half but it's felt like so much longer (in a good way)! Weekly we're finding ourselves working through issues, most of the time they are individual issues that end up impacting us as a couple. I thought I would share with y'all one issue I am working through on. Daily.

The booty hurt.

Unfamiliar with that term? So was I until my husband so graciously taught me that phrase. According to Urban Dictionary a 'booty hurt' is when... something doesn't go your way or you don't have something that you want or it's something that makes you complain.

What a very accurate description.

So let's talk about this shall we? When something doesn't go my way it's because in my head I have planned out almost every scenario in life. I think there is a fine line between preparation and planning and I walk into the danger zone of over planning. When something doesn't go the way I planned it... BOOTY HURT. Or how about the classic scenario when you're trying to pick a restaurant to eat at? In reality I should realized how blessed I am to even have the option of multiple restaurants but instead I end up complaining because whoever you're with you can never come up with an answer and suggestions always get shot down... BOOTY HURT.

In my head here is what the booty hurt is saying,
"Ugh, I went to all this effort to plan something out so perfectly."
"Why can't you see how much I am doing to get this family to operate successfully?"
"So obviously, you don't even care."
"Why even ask me in the first place?"
"I might as well not even say anything."

The booty hurt can be so destructive. It's a selfish hurt that gives no grace or love for others involved and it destroys unity real fast! In this case it's my amazing husband that is affected by the booty hurt selfish destruction I ultimately bring upon myself.

I have been challenging myself to quickly identify these moments because real talk... I can stay silent and sit in my booty hurt mood for a while. Like we're talking days. And I know this because I have done it. When I identify a booty hurt I ask myself two questions,
1. Why am I upset?
2. Is this really a big deal or can I ignore it?

The next step is to always communicate to Fabian if something is really bothering me in that moment, and not wait to let him know. Otherwise... BIG booty hurt. We will work towards a solution together as quickly as possible. I think if you look at all the relationships in your life you could find some scenarios where you get booty hurt or may still be sitting in your booty hurt. I want to hear them! Tell me your booty hurt moments. Let's all work on them together!

-B