What happened to my birth plan?

I think it's safe to say that I watched about 100 birth story videos on YouTube with the anticipation of having my own story to tell. This mama likes to plan so after hearing what happened to other women I made a birth plan that Fabian had agreed to help me follow. Keep reading to find out how nothing went according to that plan.

Very early on I had decided that I didn't want anyone else in the labor and delivery room with us. Baby daddy and doctors, that's all I wanted. We both decided that we would have some time to ourselves doing skin to skin with our baby before family members were allowed to come in and join us. We would tell our families though and if they wanted to wait they could. My family was in Michigan so other than a couple phone calls and some face-timing we didn't need to do much. I had planned to push baby out so I was 100% getting an epidural but did not want pitocin. I heard a lot of negatives and positives but I knew that I was not going to be able to take the pain especially if it lasted for hours. Fabian also told me that was not going to look and not to expect him to cut the umbilical cord because he was scared. A couple more minor things that I wanted in my birth plan was to go to the hospital after eating one more time, taking a shower, and I didn't want to battle any traffic on our way to the there. With that plan in place and bags packed we just waited for my water to break.

My water broke at 4:45pm on a Friday afternoon. There was no time to shower so we grabbed our stuff as I glanced at the clock and said to Fabian, "we're gonna hit traffic." On the way to the hospital he asked if I wanted to grab a burger to eat. When my water broke he was on his way to pick up dinner but had to turn around without the food. I said, no to the burger. I was dilated to a 4 so we had some time to wait and since I got my epidural they started pumping me with, pitocin. Since Fabian didn't eat dinner either, his sisters and parents joined us while we were waiting and flooded the room with the smell of Whataburger. After being in labor for 11 hours I was finally at a 10 and it was time to push. I pushed for 2 hours but nothing was happening. Baby would move a little but then go back up. Fabian's mom then came into the room and my mom was on speakerphone, I pushed for another hour and after the sweetest compliment that I have ever heard, "you have a very petite pubic bone," we knew Jax was not going to fit. C-Section.

I can honestly say that as they prepped me for a c-section I felt so peaceful. I knew the birth plan had changed and there was nothing I could do about it. They quickly wheeled me into the operating room and as I listened to the doctors and nurses just casually chatting away I was very aware that they were about to cut me open to get my son. I was a little relieved to know that the pushing was over and that I wouldn't rip or tear but knew that my recovery would look a lot different than what I had planned for. None of that mattered, I was about to hear the first cries from my son Jax.

Jax was born at 7:37am on June 17, 2017 weighing 9lbs and 2oz. I didn't see him get weighed or measured and I was unable to do skin to skin with him right away because I was shaking so badly, it wasn't safe. Family followed us back to our room and we all celebrated the birth of our first son. Later when I had calmed down and we were alone Fabian told me, "love, I know I said I wasn't going to look but... I saw it all. I even saw when they pushed on your belly and something popped out. The doctor caught it in a pan." We have videos and photos because my husband was the one who got to experience all the firsts with Jax.

Now looking back on my birth story, I wouldn't change anything. Not even the stench of Whataburger in our labor and delivery room. However your littles come into this world whether vaginally, a c-section, a surrogate, adoption, at your home or in a hospital. Once that baby is in your arms it won't even matter.

Everyone's story is unique just like their babies. Whether your birth went exactly as planned or if everything just happened and you had no choice but to go with the flow. Rest assured that God's hands were all over you and your baby. His plan is always the best one.

Happy National Cesarean Awareness Month! Feel free to read more about my birth story here! 

The one with the ladder.

Last week I shared a post on instagram mentioning a marriage miscommunication about a ladder. A few of you asked about it and found it comical so I thought I would bring you in on "the one with the ladder." Enjoy a good laugh, learn something, and feel free to share something similar because no marriage is perfect y'all!

Fabian had been completing a project in our kitchen that required a 6 foot ladder. You see our galley kitchen opens up to our dining room which is where Jax normally plays when we all return home in the afternoon. On this particular day we all returned home at the same time and were getting ready to go on a walk to the park to take some photos. After seeing the ladder leaned against the wall for the second day in a row I stated, "that ladder really isn't safe there." I could just picture Jax pulling it over and something bad happening.

Long story short, this escalated into a full blown argument. We started calling each other out for stuff that we weren't doing at home. Silly stuff like washing the dishes, picking up after ourselves, seeing things that need to be done and just doing them without being told. I said the phrase, "I am not your mom," and Fabian said the phrase, "well you have two hands just like me." After all of that we still decided to go on the most awkwardly silent walk to the park still not having resolved anything. Since I was the one who thought it was not safe, then I should move the ladder right? Well, I expected Fabian to pick up after himself since it was his project.

When you enter into a relationship and marriage your role is to serve. Serving your spouse brings equality to the household. Fabian is not better than me and I am not better than him. Sometimes we forget this when phrases like, "I always," or "You never," come out of our mouth. Serving each other is about helping one another and being apart of each other's lives. The more we do life together and the more we invest, the more passion we have in this awesome thing called marriage. 

So who won the ladder argument? Well, we both lost. We were prideful and chose not to serve one another. However, the ladder did get moved, apologies were made, and the passion in our marriage... yea we still got it! 

Relationship Prep 101

When Fabian and I were dating we both asked each other a whole lotta questions. You know, questions like "do you want a dog" or "do you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle?" We asked each other about future children, church, traveling, and spending habits. We talked about our leadership roles in the household and what they would look like when it came to chores, cooking, and taking the garbage out. We even talked about grocery shopping and how that would look in our relationship. (our first experience grocery shopping together was hilarious)

I even went as far as asking him about parenting. I would see a scenario in the mall and ask him how would he react and handle that situation if he were the dad. Right from the beginning we both wanted to know what we were getting ourselves into and understand that, if this is for the long haul we wanted it to be right. Well, there is one thing we didn't cover. Sickness.

The end of the year our home got hit with sickness and it was our first real time navigating it together as husband and wife. Disclaimer, you can't plan for everything and really you don't want to because life is supposed to be spontaneous. However, planning for a scenario like sickness could've helped us. There were arguments and a couple nights with someone on the couch. A lot of it stemmed from frustration and lack of compassion. But here is what we learned. Also, these lessons can be applied to any and all relationship moments.
 

You're a team for a reason. When someone is tapped out, the other person needs to tap in and lead the team. Let them.

When all else fails, try the other person's way. This is hard in any circumstance because each of us has a particular way of doing things and we also think that our way is the best way. But sometimes our way just doesn't seem to be working.

Grace, more grace, and compassion. A simple, "I am so sorry." can go a long way in an escalated situation. Phrases like, "what can I do to help" or "do you need anything" need to be your best friends.
Be Open.  An open mindset, open heart, and open communication are necessary when understanding another person, especially when you vow to do life together forever. 

Remember that this too shall pass. Seasons all change and life takes us on this roller coaster ride that can leave us full of excitement or incredibly nauseous. Remember that each moment will pass and work through it one day at a time.

-F & B

Our 7 Month Old

 

Jax has one tooth, three more on the way and is starting to crawl. He is about one more day away from asking for the car keys. Seriously, that's how fast I feel like time is flying by! I am still ok with it though because the more active he gets the more fun he becomes.

He has been working on his solids for a couple months but this past month he really amped it up. I realized quickly that all those baby food purees were not going to be his thing and he would prefer to eat whatever is on mine or Papi's plates. We're totally ok with that! His favorites are avocados, frijoles, applesauce, and huevos. And don't forget any and all types of puffs. We're still working on his sippy cup skills and thankfully he hasn't used any of his ninja skills when it comes to his sippy cup. Although I am sure a sippy cup flying across the dining room is in our near future.

This past month he had his first trip to the ER and it was scary. While Fabian was just getting over the flu and I had some type of viral sinus thing going on, Jax was congested and started to wheeze and develop a croup-y cough. Note to all those parents out there, be sure you know where your closest urgent care center is because when we got in the car at midnight neither of us knew where we were going. And in panic mode it's really hard to figure it out. Thankfully we walked right in and they gave Jax some incredible care. Within about 5 days he was back to his loud and active self.

I know these next few months he is going to change and become this little toddler and as much as we will miss the baby stage, I think we're ready to have a toddler crawling around our feet. At least my back and arms are ready for him to start moving more on his own. He is currently 23lbs and very squirmy.

Caring for Jax has been one of our greatest joys. I am reminded daily that the life we are building now is our legacy for him. Each moment of training and each day full of hard work is for the generation that is coming up behind us. No pressure, but that for sure makes us want to be better parents.

-Fabian & Bee and of course Jax

2018 resolutions

We're not making new years resolutions. Don't get me wrong, we still have goals for this month that you can read below. But you will not find any resolutions here.

In 2017 God gave me more of a noise than a word to declare over my year. It was a mix between "whew," "ugh," or "pow." I think God knew I needed more than a word that year and more of a battle cry. 2017 challenged us as a family to use our voices to declare healing, blessing, freedom, and more faith.

As Fabian and I look back at 2017 we obviously think about our biggest blessing, our son Jax. God picked the perfect time for us to start a family and our precious Jax was born in June shortly after we celebrated our first wedding anniversary.

Something else that was quite a journey for us was the search for our first home together. I think we looked at over 30 houses and almost gave up until we found the perfect home for us make our own. Our new house has become our home and we love it.

The overwhelming theme of 2017 for the Vera family was God showing up and shifting our plans and turning them into  His plans for us. Last year there were so many different ways He showed up in our lives and it's funny to say now, "oh... so that's why that happened." God knows how everything is supposed to come together and He likes to challenge us as we walk through each season. He definitely did that for our family in 2017. Because 2017 was a challenge.

We had a very rocky start to 2018 but as we tackle this second week we're going to keep in mind that God already knows the outcome and knows the why behind every moment. It's a hard reminder, but somehow it brings a sense of peace to know that God is the ultimate planner and He has our best interest in mind with every little season of life.

Our January goal can be summed up in one word. Health.
We're striving for health and healing in both of our bodies, souls, and minds this month.

-Fabian, Bee, & Jax