Relationship Prep 101

When Fabian and I were dating we both asked each other a whole lotta questions. You know, questions like "do you want a dog" or "do you squeeze the toothpaste from the middle?" We asked each other about future children, church, traveling, and spending habits. We talked about our leadership roles in the household and what they would look like when it came to chores, cooking, and taking the garbage out. We even talked about grocery shopping and how that would look in our relationship. (our first experience grocery shopping together was hilarious)

I even went as far as asking him about parenting. I would see a scenario in the mall and ask him how would he react and handle that situation if he were the dad. Right from the beginning we both wanted to know what we were getting ourselves into and understand that, if this is for the long haul we wanted it to be right. Well, there is one thing we didn't cover. Sickness.

The end of the year our home got hit with sickness and it was our first real time navigating it together as husband and wife. Disclaimer, you can't plan for everything and really you don't want to because life is supposed to be spontaneous. However, planning for a scenario like sickness could've helped us. There were arguments and a couple nights with someone on the couch. A lot of it stemmed from frustration and lack of compassion. But here is what we learned. Also, these lessons can be applied to any and all relationship moments.
 

You're a team for a reason. When someone is tapped out, the other person needs to tap in and lead the team. Let them.

When all else fails, try the other person's way. This is hard in any circumstance because each of us has a particular way of doing things and we also think that our way is the best way. But sometimes our way just doesn't seem to be working.

Grace, more grace, and compassion. A simple, "I am so sorry." can go a long way in an escalated situation. Phrases like, "what can I do to help" or "do you need anything" need to be your best friends.
Be Open.  An open mindset, open heart, and open communication are necessary when understanding another person, especially when you vow to do life together forever. 

Remember that this too shall pass. Seasons all change and life takes us on this roller coaster ride that can leave us full of excitement or incredibly nauseous. Remember that each moment will pass and work through it one day at a time.

-F & B

I just really like you!

Exactly 3 years ago I confessed my feelings to a guy that I just recently met and was hanging out with 24/7. My friends called him Diesel because of his truck. After hanging out almost every day for 2 weeks I really needed to know what we were doing. So I decided to ask him out one Sunday afternoon for a Steel City Pop. I wasn't going to let my heart fall for someone that wasn't willing to catch it.

We had somewhat of a backwards evening. We went for dessert first and ended up walking to another restaurant for some tacos. While "hanging out" we talked about the first time we met and how odd it was that I just showed up in his life. The whole time I was thinking, "God please let him start the "define the relationship" conversation." By the time we were walking back to the truck we still hadn't had the "conversation." I was getting anxious and kept praying in my head for him to start it. Finally he asked me, "¿Por qué no tiene un novio?" My Spanish wasn't that great but I knew what he was asking. Not only did I not have a current boyfriend but this 27 year old woman had never had a boyfriend. I answered him with a fluffy excuse, "Oh well...the church didn't let me date," (which was true). Finally he got me to give him the real answer, "I never found anyone that was good enough."

You would think that would've started the "define the relationship" convo but still no. It was delayed for another good 20 minutes. By this time we arrived at the truck. I sat down putting my seatbelt on and feeling like a giant ball of anxiousness, frustration, and excitement. I knew I just needed to tell him how I was feeling.

As we continued to drive back to my home there was a shift in our conversation and all I remember saying was, "I just really like you!" So picture me, feet up on the dash and throwing my hands up like a middle schooler confessing my feelings to my crush. Yea. That was me. He looked at me and said, "Good, cause I really like you too and I've been paying for everything this whole time." We both laughed and then proceeded to have another 3 hour conversation about what our intentions were while we dated one another. Our night ended and this boyfriend-less 27 year old was now dating.

Don't drop your standards and don't allow your heart to fall to someone that is not willing to catch it. Be intentional and date with a purpose. Continue to speak from your heart no matter how long you have been in your relationship. And if your feelings and words come out in a burst of middle school like emotions that's ok. Get them out.

-B